I feel spent.  Today was a long, hard day and the worst part is that I feel I brought it on myself.  This afternoon I decided to paint another wall in the toy room.  Why do I take on such big projects when I have 4 little people who need me pretty much constantly?  No more big projects.  Time to focus on the kids.  It's time to get Katelyn to obey no matter what.  That in itself would make my life a lot easier.  Anyone have any tips on that front?

Jeffy punched a hole in his bedroom wall today.  I don't think he was mad; I think he just wanted to see if he was strong enough to do it.  Yup, he is.  It's interesting the kind of damage my kids figure out to do to all these homes we do not own.  In New York, they trashed the carpet.  Here we have tile (we specifically chose the one with tile to avoid the carpet) so that's not an option.  Instead they punch through walls and rip apart air vents.  And I wish I could blame it all on the boy, but that would be unfair to him!  Katelyn is as much a wrecking ball as he is, maybe even more.  Oh kids. They say you get the kind of kid that you were.  I blame Jeff.  I sure didn't go around punching walls to see if I could. :)

Blarg.

Baby man smiled at me for a good 10 seconds today.  It was amazing!  And I didn't feel any kind of rumbling inside, so I have decided it was a real smile and not just gas.  :)  It made me so happy!  I have been feeling an extra outpouring of love towards my kids lately.  We had McDonalds for dinner tonight and when he was done with his food, Jeffy tried to pull the happy meal box onto his head as a hat.  Of course his head is way too big so it didn't fit and he just kept ripping off whatever piece he was holding.  I laughed long and hard at that.  He just looked so cute with that box hat!  And he told me I was a great mom today.  Sure it was because I got him McDonald's, but I can pretend it was for a different reason.  When Bekah is hurt or upset she very pitifully calls out "Mommy!"  She doesn't have a very good vocabulary yet, but she's got that word down pat.  And it tugs at my heart strings every time.  She needs me and wants me to comfort her when she's sad or in pain.  The sister missionaries stopped by today and commented multiple times on Katekyn's cute little voice.  And it's true. She has the cutest little sing song voice and her "ok"s and "yes" which is almost with a lisp, and the way she copies what her big brother says-- it's all just so cute.  

In want of becoming a better mom I have prayed in the past for the ability to develop more patience.  I think I'll pray instead for more love.  Having more love is such a great feeling.  It's wonderful to be reminded of what a sweet, innocent little being each of my children is, and how they deserve respect and kindness and love.  I'm glad I wrote about this tonight, so when I'm frustrated for some meaningless, silly reason, I can come back to this and get that reminder to stop and just love them.  Because I do.  So much. :) 

I think I need to not restrict myself to blogging at night.  I usually am tired and the only thing I think of to post about is a list of what I did that day.  Not good enough!

Tomorrow I'm going to post in the middle of the day when I have something to express.  Sounds better. :)

And I'm not going to worry about creating a title.  Do people title journal entries?  I never have.

I Missed a Day!

Dangit!  I was doing great.

Yesterday was a busy day.  We cleaned the house for the babysitter to come over (anyone else have to do this?) and went out on a birthday date.  Today is Jeff's birthday, and it's one where he now considers himself an old man.  Ha ha.

We went out to dinner and a movie, and actually had a great time.  I say actually because it's a pretty standard date so it was nice to have a really good time, not because it's surprising to enjoy spending time together. :)  Since it was his birthday we went out to sushi.  I hate sushi!  I tried it again and yup, I hate it.  It's not even the fish part I hate-- it's the seaweed rice part.  But I got some yummy chicken that came with a salad, soup, and fried rice.  It was so yummy!  Dinner was a nice surprise.

And we went to see The Amazing Spiderman, which I had very low expectations for.  The 1st of the Toby McGuire series came out our senior year of high school and I have fond memories associated with it, so it's rather sentimental and I didn't like the look of the previews for this one.  But both Jeff and I really enjoyed it!  Peter Parker was much less annoying and much more endearing than I expected.  So that was a nice surprise too.

We did bring baby with us and that made for less of a relaxing night for me.  He had his first bottle ever at the restaurant then fell asleep for a while, but then woke up and I ended up breastfeeding him for most of the movie.  That was kind of awkward. Luckily, the movie wasn't too crowded and he did eventually fall asleep. It was a nice night out and we enjoyed it.

And today was his actual birthday so he got lots of yummy food and some peace and quiet.  His birthday candles were sparkles this year, which I thought was AWESOME.  That was a lot of fun.  Yay for birthdays!

Learning

Today I realized I the frazzled and overwhelmed feelings I was having were due to my house getting messy.  I've been really good lately about picking up everyday and keeping everything relatively under control.  But yesterday was a busy day and I didn't have a chance to do any maintenance, so it was slipping down hill. Today was kind of busy too, but it wasn't anything super important, and I couldn't figure out what was making me feel so frantic.

Then I realized the mess was causing my anxiety, so I cleaned and felt a lot better.  I think I am actually becoming one of those people who enjoy cleaning.  It's happening very slowly, but I am noticing huge differences in my mood depending on the state of my house (duh).  Before, (in NY) I would be feeling very discouraged and depressed, and would try to do things to feel better.  But those were the WRONG things.  Eating and watching tv did not help, it just made me spiral down more.  But now I know that when I'm feeling down, I need to do the things that are going to result in a happy feeling.  The act of eating something yummy is definitely more enjoyable than the act of cleaning the kitchen. But the end result of cleaning is a much happier feeling than the guilt and other bad feelings that are the end result of eating. Another lesson learned.

Anyways, this isn't what I really intended to blog about today, but it's what came out.  So there you go!

The hardest part is thinking of a title

I almost forgot to post today. Oh no!

It was a pretty good day.  Had a playdate that we all enjoyed, went to Jonathan's well baby appointment and got his stats (always fun) and went to a family meeting on base.  It was fun to see people we haven't seen in a while and show off baby.  And I got some presents for a baby shower tomorrow.  I love baby showers!  I'm excited to put the present all together.

And I re-did the blog last night.  I like it a lot.  The pictures aren't amazing, but they're cute, and I like the blog background. That's my theme for life right now- I am a strong woman and I can do it. :)