Friday, August 20, 2010

This Camel's Back is Broken

You know that camel whose back was broken by that last straw?

I feel like that camel. That one last straw finally did me in and I'm broken. Except I have to keep going ... with a broken back.

"The work of a mother is hard." That's the first line in the video at the end of this post. This video's been floating around facebook for a few weeks, but I didn't watch it till today. As soon as Elder Holland said those first words, the tears started. But not for the first time today, mind you.

It is hard. It's been really, really hard. And I feel like it shouldn't be this hard. Good grief-- I'm home with two little people all day. I shouldn't feel this emotionally, physically, mentally drained. But I guess it is this hard.

I really have reached my breaking point. But that doesn't matter. I have to keep going.

Today Jeffy has dumped flour all over the carpet, smeared toothpaste all over the walls, smashed a dozen eggs on the carpet, given me a fat lip, and bit/scratched/hit/kicked/punched Katelyn more than any human being should ever have to endure.

And this has been happening everyday for 2 weeks. The worst part is the hurting. He does it on purpose. I have tried so hard to be patient, loving, and to do the things that I thought would help me be a better mom. Maybe all those things helped and I can't see it yet, but the constancy of Jeffy's horrible behavior hasn't improved at all.

I'm so worn down little things seem insurmountable. Dumping a box of lasagna noodles on the floor isn't that big a deal, but at this point it seems like the end of the world.

I've cried so many times the last few days.

I'm at the point where I know that if I don't get some kind of rejuvenating break soon I'm going to have a break-down. I can feel it coming.

Jeff is taking Jeffy to some safari zoo thing tomorrow and I really hope that can bring me some relief from the seemingly never-ending trials that have been my life recently. And next weekend we're going to visit my parents and I hope my mom can give me some much-needed advice as to how to survive (and thrive) through this.

I'm not alone in this, right?



Adam, Sarah, Kevin, Aaron, and Nathan said...

I shared that video on Facebook not for the sake of others but for myself. I listen to it whenever I am having a hard time or my boys are driving me insane.

I think my Kevin and your Jeffy are alot alike. My Aaron is sweet and Kind but gets alot of beatings from my dear little Kevin. :0)

From what I can tell is that If I devote ALL my time to him and do everything HE wants all goes well but of course with two other individuals demanding just as much of mommy it is impossible. Let me know when you find a cure!!! :0)

I guess this motherhood is a great builder of patience and endurance and of course love. As hard as that is to learn in these situations!

I feel your pain as I am sure many other moms' do but hey isn't this what our moms did for us!!! Or our siblings...what great love we can feel for them some 20 years down the line!! :0)

Your doing a great job Bethany!!! your kids look like such fun little people and I hope to meet them someday soon!!!

Tina Crowther said...

I know you don't want my advice... And my words won't really help that much. But, you can do it. And I'll give you my advice anyway: put a lock on the outside of Jeffy's door. We did that for Christopher, and any time he acts up, right away he goes to his room. Kicking and screaming yes, but I can lock the door and keep him in there until he is completely calm. (That might be a very long time.) But, it worked rather quickly, and I'm glad we did it. We don't even have to use the lock anymore.

Good luck. Remember, like the video says, You are a daughter of God, you're not alone and Heavenly Father loves you and knows you.

Adam, Sarah, Kevin, Aaron, and Nathan said...

Just through reading a few other blogs I found a scripture that made me think of you and your situation!

D&C 64 - 33 Wherefore, be not aweary in bwell-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of csmall things proceedeth that which is great.

:0) Just thought I would pass it along because immediately after reading it I thought of you!!!

Kestrel said...

Yeah parenting kind of sucks. I'm not afraid to say it. Yay for mothers who know and all that but I for one am more like a mother who struggles daily not to murder her child because she knows she will go to prison for a long time.

Toby has a childproofer on his doorknob so when he goes down for a nap he is IN his room whether he likes it or not. He gets spanked if he is being super bad, especially if he hits after a warning. And time-outs.

We are reading Parenting the Strong Willed Child, 1-2-3 Magic and Parenting w Love and Logic. but seriously, can't we just send these kids away and have them come back fully trained? sheesh.

~Kimi~ said...

If your back is broken, then it's time to use someone else's back! I wish it could be mine. I'll take your kids for a while.

Marcene said...

oh goodness fun times ahead for #2. I definitely know how you feel. It is so hard to give and give and not have a chance to catch a breath. I hate feeling frustrated over small things, but when it is a whole lot of small things they can be overwhelming. I'm glad to read you got a break....hopefully you find an opportunity for many breaks. hugs :)