You know that camel whose back was broken by that last straw?
I feel like that camel. That one last straw finally did me in and I'm broken. Except I have to keep going ... with a broken back.
"The work of a mother is hard." That's the first line in the video at the end of this post. This video's been floating around facebook for a few weeks, but I didn't watch it till today. As soon as Elder Holland said those first words, the tears started. But not for the first time today, mind you.
It is hard. It's been really, really hard. And I feel like it shouldn't be this hard. Good grief-- I'm home with two little people all day. I shouldn't feel this emotionally, physically, mentally drained. But I guess it is this hard.
I really have reached my breaking point. But that doesn't matter. I have to keep going.
Today Jeffy has dumped flour all over the carpet, smeared toothpaste all over the walls, smashed a dozen eggs on the carpet, given me a fat lip, and bit/scratched/hit/kicked/punched Katelyn more than any human being should ever have to endure.
And this has been happening everyday for 2 weeks. The worst part is the hurting. He does it on purpose. I have tried so hard to be patient, loving, and to do the things that I thought would help me be a better mom. Maybe all those things helped and I can't see it yet, but the constancy of Jeffy's horrible behavior hasn't improved at all.
I'm so worn down little things seem insurmountable. Dumping a box of lasagna noodles on the floor isn't that big a deal, but at this point it seems like the end of the world.
I've cried so many times the last few days.
I'm at the point where I know that if I don't get some kind of rejuvenating break soon I'm going to have a break-down. I can feel it coming.
Jeff is taking Jeffy to some safari zoo thing tomorrow and I really hope that can bring me some relief from the seemingly never-ending trials that have been my life recently. And next weekend we're going to visit my parents and I hope my mom can give me some much-needed advice as to how to survive (and thrive) through this.
I'm not alone in this, right?